Introduction
On a day after being absent in Mrs. Wessel’s 3rd grade class (I was eight years old) at Riverside Elementary in Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii, I came back to class to find that I needed to take a make-up test. After handing me the test, Mrs. Wessel and the class carried on as I sat there taking the written test. Then my friend and desk mate offered me a piece of paper under the desk, which was the test that the class took the day before but with all the answers. I had never cheated before and needless to say, I probably stood out like a sore thumb trying to look at the test answers under my desk. Well, Mrs. Wessel saw and immediately busted me with a loud shout, her chair slamming against the wall behind her as she quickly stood up, and thunderously stomped her way from her desk to me. Then she physically grabbed and lifted me to a standing position as she called me out for cheating.
That trauma of getting caught and being called out in front of the entire 3rd grade class was a significant emotional event and can best be described as putting the “fear of God” in me. It shook me to my core and stuck with me for the rest of my life. But what stuck with me as being just as bad and maybe even worse, is what I did when caught. In my panic, I pointed the finger at, and blamed my friend for giving me the answers. I suffered from the shame of being caught for cheating, and the guilt for blaming my friend.
But on that day, Mrs. Wessel became the best teacher I ever had in my entire life. I remember what she did like it was yesterday.
After the class settled down from the excitement a bit, she called me up to her desk, knowing that I was scared, shocked, and filled with guilt. When I got to her desk, she looked at me with overwhelming compassion, asked me if I had learned a very big lesson today, and if I was sorry for what I did.
I sheepishly and shamefully said ‘yes,’ then she said OK, and that she forgave me, and then told me to give her a big hug and to say to her ‘I love you Mrs. Wessel.’ So I did, and she responded in kind with a big firm hug of her own. At the time, I didn’t know the words “compassion” and “forgiveness,” but these words became more meaningful to me as I matured and reflected upon this day. I just knew it felt so good; I felt like I was forgiven, and knew that things were going to be OK. That’s the kind of compassion that you can’t learn from a dictionary, or by an explanation – you had to experience it.
But I never told my desk mate “thanks” for trying to help me, and I never said “I’m so sorry” for pointing the finger and blaming her when I got caught. The guilt bothers me to today, and I would give almost anything if I could go back in time and take that moment back.
Mrs. Wessel did not acknowledge or utter a word to, or about the person who offered me the test answers. I got a crystal clear message as to who was wrong.
I learned a very important and powerful lesson that day regarding honesty, integrity, and accountability; the impact of harsh consequences for my bad behavior; and the need to own up to my mistakes. Years later, it also showed me that as a leader, you have to promptly and firmly confront undesirable conduct, such as poor performance as well as bad or unprofessional behavior.
These and other difficult situations have to be handled by you personally, face-to-face and/or one-on-one. But equally as important, this experience constantly reminded me of the need to show forgiveness and compassion.
This life lesson from Mrs. Wessel shaped me as a person and as a manager. It impacted my overall management style, and how I treated people throughout my career and personal life.
_____________________________________________________________________
Background:
In this book, I describe my journey from an individual performer to getting into the throws of management. You’ll read about the many difficulties I faced along the way, and hopefully be better aware and prepared to face similar challenges along your journey.
I provide tips and examples from a more personal perspective, on how I worked through my “limitations,” became an increasingly valued individual performer, and progressively moved up the leadership ranks into managing larger teams and organizations. I never had that “executive look or presence” even at the height of my career, I was never a visionary, nor one of ambition and passion to reach higher levels of management, nor was I a polished speaker or debater.
I was one of those who always feared failure, of screwing up, and who had to study really hard to get a “B,” hopefully. I was one who, when standing in front of an audience to give presentations, would be extremely nervous, with shaky hands, and with a quivering voice no matter how many times I practiced.
It's still hard for me to believe, that a guy from a small town in Hawaii, who went to school with bare feet through the sixth grade (way back when); who spent much of his childhood climbing guava, mango, and coconut trees; who hiked through pastures to swim in streams and ponds; who played with molten lava globs, and who hunted exotic fruits in the local rainforest; could somehow get hired by a big multinational corporation and work his way to attain the management level position that I did.
After several decades of being a supervisor and manager, and having overseen many new employees come through the ranks as individual performers, I can look back at myself and reflect on some of the apparent qualities that I had through my years of struggles, that helped me to be successful. As I advanced in my career, I’ve had to coach people on what they needed to do to improve in their performance, and I’ve mentored individual performers as they moved into leadership. I’ve also observed people’s shortcomings, how some have missed the mark, and how others could have upped their game.
I’ve had to rank people one above the other and be able to justify why when challenged during consolidations with other managers who had strong opinions regarding their people rankings. I’ve had to determine who deserved a raise or a bonus and the amounts, or who among a number of candidates deserved a new opportunity or promotion. I’ve also had to confront people regarding their performance or behavior, and I’ve had to let people go for consistently poor performance.
In thinking back, I’m able to recognize how my work ethic or style, and some of my behaviors had allowed me to get noticed by management and as a result, was given increasing opportunities to advance in my career.
In this book, I impart what I’ve observed and learned to hopefully benefit others who are seeking a more successful career as an individual performer or as a manager.
The guidance and tips I provide are from my recollections as an individual performer, and also from the perspective of having progressed over several decades to leading teams of people starting as a team leader, then supervisor, then a manager of supervisors, and then as a manager of managers.
Writing this book is also from the perspective of having completed a formal and grueling 22-month Executive MBA (EMBA) program at the University of Southern California (USC), Marshall School of Business. I worked full-time throughout the program, and got minimal sleep. At the time, I was half-way through my 32 plus year career with Electronic Data Systems (EDS)/Hewlett-Packard (HP) - HP purchased EDS in 2008.
In these writings, I capture my experiences and share them through many examples and scenarios. You’ll find that although it covers some of the hard business management aspects, it covers more of the day-to-day interactions and challenges, and “soft” aspects, things that are generally not covered in an MBA program (which generally covers corporate finance, sales & marketing, organizational structure, global competition, etc.).
Then, being a Sociologist affords me some sensitivity and insight into the interpersonal aspects in the examples and scenarios that I discuss.
I was also from a minority group, with a background very different from most in the corporation, particularly those in the leadership ranks. As an example, in my earlier years with the company back in the 1980s and early 1990s, there would be other minorities but I would always be the only Asian/Asian American in meetings or training classes back at corporate headquarters in Plano, Texas, or at EDS meetings in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Colorado, and Utah. As time went on, all of my EDS travels around the country were extremely positive. This encounter occurred while I was attending project meetings in Camp Hill, PA in the late 1980s.
I consider my time with EDS as extremely fortuitous and feel grateful and proud to have been a part of this company.
_____________________________________________________________________
On a day after being absent in Mrs. Wessel’s 3rd grade class (I was eight years old) at Riverside Elementary in Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii, I came back to class to find that I needed to take a make-up test. After handing me the test, Mrs. Wessel and the class carried on as I sat there taking the written test. Then my friend and desk mate offered me a piece of paper under the desk, which was the test that the class took the day before but with all the answers. I had never cheated before and needless to say, I probably stood out like a sore thumb trying to look at the test answers under my desk. Well, Mrs. Wessel saw and immediately busted me with a loud shout, her chair slamming against the wall behind her as she quickly stood up, and thunderously stomped her way from her desk to me. Then she physically grabbed and lifted me to a standing position as she called me out for cheating.
That trauma of getting caught and being called out in front of the entire 3rd grade class was a significant emotional event and can best be described as putting the “fear of God” in me. It shook me to my core and stuck with me for the rest of my life. But what stuck with me as being just as bad and maybe even worse, is what I did when caught. In my panic, I pointed the finger at, and blamed my friend for giving me the answers. I suffered from the shame of being caught for cheating, and the guilt for blaming my friend.
But on that day, Mrs. Wessel became the best teacher I ever had in my entire life. I remember what she did like it was yesterday.
After the class settled down from the excitement a bit, she called me up to her desk, knowing that I was scared, shocked, and filled with guilt. When I got to her desk, she looked at me with overwhelming compassion, asked me if I had learned a very big lesson today, and if I was sorry for what I did.
I sheepishly and shamefully said ‘yes,’ then she said OK, and that she forgave me, and then told me to give her a big hug and to say to her ‘I love you Mrs. Wessel.’ So I did, and she responded in kind with a big firm hug of her own. At the time, I didn’t know the words “compassion” and “forgiveness,” but these words became more meaningful to me as I matured and reflected upon this day. I just knew it felt so good; I felt like I was forgiven, and knew that things were going to be OK. That’s the kind of compassion that you can’t learn from a dictionary, or by an explanation – you had to experience it.
But I never told my desk mate “thanks” for trying to help me, and I never said “I’m so sorry” for pointing the finger and blaming her when I got caught. The guilt bothers me to today, and I would give almost anything if I could go back in time and take that moment back.
Mrs. Wessel did not acknowledge or utter a word to, or about the person who offered me the test answers. I got a crystal clear message as to who was wrong.
I learned a very important and powerful lesson that day regarding honesty, integrity, and accountability; the impact of harsh consequences for my bad behavior; and the need to own up to my mistakes. Years later, it also showed me that as a leader, you have to promptly and firmly confront undesirable conduct, such as poor performance as well as bad or unprofessional behavior.
These and other difficult situations have to be handled by you personally, face-to-face and/or one-on-one. But equally as important, this experience constantly reminded me of the need to show forgiveness and compassion.
This life lesson from Mrs. Wessel shaped me as a person and as a manager. It impacted my overall management style, and how I treated people throughout my career and personal life.
_____________________________________________________________________
Background:
In this book, I describe my journey from an individual performer to getting into the throws of management. You’ll read about the many difficulties I faced along the way, and hopefully be better aware and prepared to face similar challenges along your journey.
I provide tips and examples from a more personal perspective, on how I worked through my “limitations,” became an increasingly valued individual performer, and progressively moved up the leadership ranks into managing larger teams and organizations. I never had that “executive look or presence” even at the height of my career, I was never a visionary, nor one of ambition and passion to reach higher levels of management, nor was I a polished speaker or debater.
I was one of those who always feared failure, of screwing up, and who had to study really hard to get a “B,” hopefully. I was one who, when standing in front of an audience to give presentations, would be extremely nervous, with shaky hands, and with a quivering voice no matter how many times I practiced.
It's still hard for me to believe, that a guy from a small town in Hawaii, who went to school with bare feet through the sixth grade (way back when); who spent much of his childhood climbing guava, mango, and coconut trees; who hiked through pastures to swim in streams and ponds; who played with molten lava globs, and who hunted exotic fruits in the local rainforest; could somehow get hired by a big multinational corporation and work his way to attain the management level position that I did.
After several decades of being a supervisor and manager, and having overseen many new employees come through the ranks as individual performers, I can look back at myself and reflect on some of the apparent qualities that I had through my years of struggles, that helped me to be successful. As I advanced in my career, I’ve had to coach people on what they needed to do to improve in their performance, and I’ve mentored individual performers as they moved into leadership. I’ve also observed people’s shortcomings, how some have missed the mark, and how others could have upped their game.
I’ve had to rank people one above the other and be able to justify why when challenged during consolidations with other managers who had strong opinions regarding their people rankings. I’ve had to determine who deserved a raise or a bonus and the amounts, or who among a number of candidates deserved a new opportunity or promotion. I’ve also had to confront people regarding their performance or behavior, and I’ve had to let people go for consistently poor performance.
In thinking back, I’m able to recognize how my work ethic or style, and some of my behaviors had allowed me to get noticed by management and as a result, was given increasing opportunities to advance in my career.
In this book, I impart what I’ve observed and learned to hopefully benefit others who are seeking a more successful career as an individual performer or as a manager.
The guidance and tips I provide are from my recollections as an individual performer, and also from the perspective of having progressed over several decades to leading teams of people starting as a team leader, then supervisor, then a manager of supervisors, and then as a manager of managers.
Writing this book is also from the perspective of having completed a formal and grueling 22-month Executive MBA (EMBA) program at the University of Southern California (USC), Marshall School of Business. I worked full-time throughout the program, and got minimal sleep. At the time, I was half-way through my 32 plus year career with Electronic Data Systems (EDS)/Hewlett-Packard (HP) - HP purchased EDS in 2008.
In these writings, I capture my experiences and share them through many examples and scenarios. You’ll find that although it covers some of the hard business management aspects, it covers more of the day-to-day interactions and challenges, and “soft” aspects, things that are generally not covered in an MBA program (which generally covers corporate finance, sales & marketing, organizational structure, global competition, etc.).
Then, being a Sociologist affords me some sensitivity and insight into the interpersonal aspects in the examples and scenarios that I discuss.
I was also from a minority group, with a background very different from most in the corporation, particularly those in the leadership ranks. As an example, in my earlier years with the company back in the 1980s and early 1990s, there would be other minorities but I would always be the only Asian/Asian American in meetings or training classes back at corporate headquarters in Plano, Texas, or at EDS meetings in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Colorado, and Utah. As time went on, all of my EDS travels around the country were extremely positive. This encounter occurred while I was attending project meetings in Camp Hill, PA in the late 1980s.
- It was some years after the Three Mile Island nuclear reactor accident where radioactive gasses were released into the environment. It was just 12 miles from the EDS offices. This EDS “old timer,” who had worked for, and with Ross Perot personally for many years, was providing guidance on the Navy C2 project. He was up there in the company and the nicest guy, all 6’ plus of him. One morning when I was the first person to join him in the conference room, we were chatting at the window, coffees in hand, looking in the direction of Three Mile Island. He was towering over me, and I asked him what it was like during the time of that accident. He looked down at me in all seriousness and said with his southern drawl, “Norm, before that accident, I was your size!” We busted out laughing, as more people started walking into the conference room.
I consider my time with EDS as extremely fortuitous and feel grateful and proud to have been a part of this company.
_____________________________________________________________________